cleverblocker | IC Inbox

i don't know
it feels like i want to be alone but not at the same time

i think
kuro's gone

i'm leaving right now. i'll be at your place in just a few minutes.

okay

[ He's a little surprised by that so all he can manage is the simple response.

And he'll be waiting by the unlocked, partially open door, leaning back against the door frame, small form huddled up in his Nekoma tracksuit. It might be a little too warm for it, but it offers a strange sense of comfort that his other clothes can't. ]

[there wasn't really a good way to explain why he feels the need, the drive, to go straight to kenma when he hears this news. but kuroo was kenma's closest friend, his teammate, and now he's just...gone. like suga.

he hurries towards his friend's house, moving at a light jog until he's close enough to see the house (he doesn't want the other to see him running like a fool). the door is open, and he can see kenma huddled up in his tracksuit against the door frame.

he's struck with the urge to hug him.]

Kenma. [he says in lieu of greeting.]

[ Kenma glances up when he arrives, and there's the faintest, smallest attempt at a smile but it falls short and he ends up looking back down again. He fidgets, one hand lifting to rub at his other arm. ]

Hey. Uhm, thanks for coming.

[ It feels odd to have made such a direct request, and he almost feels bad for it - he doesn't normally do things like that, but... he doesn't want to be alone in the house, to think about how Kuroo's room is empty, that he's no longer around. Tsukishima had been the first person that came to mind to message. ]

[that small, forced attempt at a smile makes his heart give a painful little lurch, and while the desire to hug him hasn't waned even a bit, he just. doesn't want to push too hard, to be too much. he wants to be able to be what kenma needs right now, like how the other so perfectly comforted him when suga disappeared.

Of course. It wasn't even a question.

[he reaches out and brushes his fingers against kenma's knuckles.] Let's go inside.

Edited 2015-08-27 02:04 (UTC)

[ That statement... Kenma doesn't expect it, but he's utterly grateful for the words, for the other's presence here with them. There's no doubt in his mind that Tsukishima meant what he'd said. He quickly closes and locks the door behind him before he responds.

The touch has him pausing, but he follows his first impulse and slips his hand into Tsukishima's, small fingers squeezing a little tightly. He hopes the other won't mind, of course, and turns to head upstairs after a small nod, not looking directly at him.

He voice is quiet as he explains. ] I... just thought maybe he'd stayed out last night, and had plans today. So maybe I didn't notice when it happened.

[it reminds him of the time that kenma had held his hand during his panic attack, and his fingers are colder than the were then, and seem smaller. but it just fills him with more of that urge to make sure he's okay, that he has someone to be with him and support him right now, since kuroo is gone.]

It's pretty normal of him to stay out late, or stay over at Bokuto's place, so I can see why you didn't immediately think anything was wrong.

[he gives his hands a squeeze, following after kenma as they went up the stairs to his room.]

Yeah. I only noticed a little while ago. I was trying to text him and... his contact wasn't there.

[ His voice drops lower towards the end of the sentence, quieter and subdued, and he hesitates in the doorway to his room once they reach it, gaze drifting towards the one that belongs- no, used to belong to Kuroo. ]

It's... weird.

[tsukishima noticed the hesitance, and doesn't try to pull him along, lingering in the doorway as well instead. he strokes his thumb against the back of kenma's hand in what he hopes is a soothing motion.]

They...does the landlord send someone new in right away, or do you get the chance to...adjust?

[ There's the slow shake of his head. ]

I'm not sure. Nozomi moved into here a little while after Sugawara left, I think. I guess it doesn't matter much.

[ Kenma's shoulders hunch up a little, head slightly bowed so that the curtain of his hair mostly hides his face from view as he frowns to himself. ]

I'm... so used to Kuro always being around. It's been like that since we were kids.

[tsukishima takes a cautious step closer, until his arm and shoulder and pressing against kenma's.]

Mm, but even if he's gone, you're not alone here. You have people who care about you.

[he swallows uncomfortably. he's...not good at this comforting thing, not like kenma is.] And...even if he's gone, he's gone back to a world with you in it. He'll be there, just like before, when you eventually go back too.

[ It takes but a moment for Kenma to react, and then, silently, he turns to Tsukishima, pressing close to his taller frame as he rests his forehead against his chest, breathing out slowly and measurably.

His presence, warm and here, helps so much more than he could express, and he's utterly glad for it along with those words. ]

Y-Yeah, I guess that's true. It... It won't be the last time I see him. Right..?

[it's so nice how perfectly kenma fits against him, just tall enough to fit perfectly under his chin and in his arms. he pulls the other boy as close as he dares, one arm wrapping around his waist while his other hand rises to rest against the back of his neck, fingers brushing loosely at his hair.]

Right. Kuroo would find a way to get back here no matter what if he found out that, for some totally unlikely reason, you weren't going to see him again. He's stubborn like that.

[ The touch against his neck and in his hair is utterly soothing, just as the embrace is, and while Kenma is hardly the most physically affectionate he wants to be in Tsukishima's arms right then. He doesn't want to be alone.

His hands lift, fingers curling into the other's shirt at his sides, and he gives a small nod against his chest, an amused sound followed by a sniffle coming from him. ]

Yeah, he is. Even when I totally ignored him, he'd still come over to see me when we were kids. [ It's oddly nostalgic, thinking about it. ] It sucks not being able to know when someone's going to leave.

[tsukishima's arms tighten marginally around him at his words, because he has to actively keep himself from thinking about that, spends so much time not thinking about it that it kind of makes him sick. it makes him sick to think of waking up one morning and finding kenma gone, and to a lesser degree, even the shitbird duo of kageyama and hinata.

but he can't think about it, or he's going to end up having another panic attack, and that's the last thing kenma needs to be dealing with right now.]

Yeah, it. It really does. [he clears his throat to try and chase off the waver that colors his voice.] Kuroo seems like the incredibly stubborn type, so I can just picture him following you home and carrying on a conversation with himself the whole way.

[ He'd thought about it, of course he had, the idea that Kuroo, or Hinata, or Tsukishima could vanish one day without a warning. Of course, he hadn't let himself do so at length to save himself from how nervous it made him but now, with one of the most important people to him being gone, he can't help but wonder if the same might happen to the others sometime soon.

And he hates it. It's such a strongly felt sentiment that it even surprises himself.

A sound escapes him again, something closer to a laugh though it's almost too quiet to be heard. ] He'd do that a lot. It was nice, I didn't have to worry about him being upset by it, because I didn't talk much. He's a good friend.

[ It's... funny in a really sad way, that he's only able to say something like this now that Kuroo isn't around. It makes him think that he should show his appreciation a bit more, the next time he see him.

Kenma's small frame slowly relaxes, but something else comes to mind, a little belatedly to his annoyance - usually he isn't too caught up in his own feelings to forget about someone else's, especially if it's someone he cares so much about. ]

Sorry. I know talking about this stuff bothers you. [ And even without being able to see Tsukishima at that moment, Kenma has a feeling that the conversation isn't pleasant for the other in any regards. If past experience is anything to go by, after all. The thought of making Tsukishima upset would only worsen his own feelings in any case. ] We don't have to talk about it anymore. I'm okay.

[ Thanks to you. ]

I'm glad you have someone looking out for you like him. [and while kenma has him looking out for him as well now, he hasn't known him nearly as long as kuroo, and probably doesn't know him or understand him as well as the other. and that's okay; he's not going to try and hold himself to kuroo's standards, just like how he wouldn't want kenma to try and hold himself to yamaguchi's. they serve different functions in each other's lives, and that's fine.

some of the tension bleeds out of him at kenma's laugh, and it's so soft that he would have missed it if kenma wasn't settled so close to him. he likes the sound of his laugh, and the way it makes it shoulders twitch when he doesn't laugh loud enough to make a sound.]

It's okay. I know that...talking about things after something happens helps, sometimes. [because while he doesn't like talking about the disappearances that seem to continue to color their time in this strange place, he also doesn't want kenma to have to bottle it up and let it fester.]

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